


Don't Walk Away

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-09-14
Updated: 2002-09-14
Packaged: 2019-05-15 13:11:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14791133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: The whole unrequited love thing gets to Donna, and she decides she has to leave.





	Don't Walk Away

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Don't Walk Away**

**by:**

**Disclaimer:** No mine. No copyright infringement. No money. No sue.  
**Category:** Josh/Donna. Kinda angsty for a bit.  
**Rating:** CHILDolly gosh, I don't know. We'll say TEEN for some naughty words.  
**Spoilers:** Through season 2, just to be safe. Although, come on, if you don't already know who got shot, what are you doin here, quite frankly!  
**Summary:** The whole unrequited love thing gets to Donna, and she decides she has to leave.  
**Author's Note:** Okay, the whole Donna gets a job offer plot may seem familiar already, but this story assumes that never happened in the show. Feedback would be great, please be honest. But also, remember that I'm Scottish, and so the fact that I remembered to put "trash" in this fic instead of the normal "rubbish" is something to be congratulated! Thanks again to Carla - I know your birthday is coming up, so maybe its time I thanked you with an actual pressie rather than a few lines at the start of my fics, eh?

"...so he said "why didn't you use it?", I said "the line?", he said "yeah", I said "the line sucked", he said "the line did not suck", I said "it really did", he said "it did not suck, I know, I wrote it", I said "yeah, well I read it."

"Yeah" came the dull monotone reply.

Sam looked suspiciously at his friend's blank expression and glazed-over eyes. "So I said "maybe you want to go for dinner?" he said "Sure, but only if you wear your g-string", I said "no problem, I can borrow Toby's."

"Yeah."

"Josh!"

He looked up, startled out of his reverie by Sam's exclamation. "What?"

"You haven't heard a word I said."

"Sorry."

"What's eating you?"

"Nothing."

"Seriously, Josh."

"Nothing! It's nothing, don't worry about it."

Sam frowned at him over the desk, but before he could say anything, Josh's assistant walked in."

"Sorry to interrupt" she said stiffly.

"It's fine" said Josh in exactly the same tone.

Sam looked at them both, puzzled by their unusually cold exchange. "Hey Donna" he said cheerfully.

She replied without looking at him. "Hi. Josh, these are the last numbers."

Josh took the sheaf of papers. "Thanks" he said, trying to catch her eye. "I appreciate it."

She shrugged. "It's just my job. See you, Sam."

And she was gone. "Bye, Donna" Sam said to the closed door. He turned to Josh. "Is she ok?"

Josh sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I don't know."

"Did you guys have a fight or something?"

"No, she's just been acting really weird recently."

"Did you say something stupid?"

"I don't think so. Sometimes she's all right, but other times she goes all weird."

"That's what you were worrying about?"

"I'm not worrying about it exactly. I mean, most of the time, she's fine....it's just a little odd."

"I'll say" said Sam. The Donna he had just seen was not the Donna he knew. "Maybe you should -"

"Sam! I can handle my own staff, okay?"

"Come on, Josh! This isn't your 'staff', it's Donna! She's obviously unhappy about something."

"What, though? Wouldn't she tell me?"

"I don't know."

 

 

Donna kicked off her shoes and flopped down on her couch with a sigh. She picked up the remote and flicked through the TV channels till she found PBS.

Her roommate wandered out of her room, yawning and wearing an oversized shirt.

"Sorry, Claudie" said Donna., "Did I wake you?"

Claudie smiled slyly and shook her head. "Honey, I was already up."

"Oh God. Who is it this time?"

"A hot little bartender with biceps like steel and a smile straight outa a toothpaste ad."

Donna didn't smile. Claudie frowned. "You okay?"

Donna looked up at the attractive coloured woman. "Yeah" she said, trying to sound convincing.

Claudie wasn't buying it. She rested her arms on the back of the couch. "What did he do this time?" she asked, knowing all too well the usual reason for Donna being depressed.

Donna grunted non-commitedly.

"Come on" She looked at the screen. "Sesame Street? Must be bad. Let me get rid of Nick."

Before Donna could protest, Claudie had whisked her one night stand out of the apartment and was sitting beside her with a cup of hot chocolate.

"Tell all."

"Claudie, you didn't have to do that."

"But I did. So, what did he do?"

Donna decided to be deliberately obtuse. "Who?"

"Your half-assed boss, that's who!"

Donna sighed. "He didn't do anything. It's just getting harder."

"You should tell him how you feel."

Donna rolled her eyes at this familiar argument."I don't-"

"Don't even try to deny it, honey! Anyone can see you're head over heels in love with him!"

"Would you please stop saying that?"

"It's true!"

"No it's not! Not anymore, anyway. I've accepted the fact that nothing's gonna happen, and I'm fine with that."

"Why is nothing gonna happen?"

"Because he doesn't feel the same way. And even if he did, it would be impossible because of who he is and where we works."

"Donna.."

"Like I said, Claudie, I've accepted it, and I'm fine with it."

"If you're so fine with it, what's with Big Bird?"

"Donna sighed. "I don't know. It's just hard to work with him practically 24/7...and he knows something's wrong cause I'm acting weird, and that makes him act weird cause he's confused and...oh it's just a big mess."

"I'm sorry honey. I wish I can help."

"Thanks. Maybe it's time I helped myself, though."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe I should just leave."

"Leave the White House?"

"There's a job offer. An old friend. In England."

"England?!"

"I know."

"Are you gonna take it?"

"I don't know. It's not an offer exactly, I mean, I'd have to apply for it - but career wise it would be a great opportunity."

"You'd seriously leave the White House? Leave the country....leave him?"

"If I don't, I might go mad. Oh, I don't know. I probably won't go for it - it's just an idea. What do you think?"

"I think it's a decision you have to make on your own."

"Yeah."

"But take my advice, ok? Think very carefully about what you'd be leaving. You might think staying with Josh will turn you mad. But would you really be any saner if you never ever saw him ever again?"

 

 

"Donna!" Josh bellowed.

"Donna!!"

No answer. Josh got out of his chair and walked out to the busy communication bullpen. He frowned, seeing his assistants empty desk.

"Where's Donna?" he asked Nancy.

"I think she went to get coffee."

"Oh. You don't know where she might have put the Steven's file?"

"For the SCN?"

"Yeah."

"Try her desk?"

"Thanks" Josh walked to the desk and saw a file headed "SCN-Steven's" sitting right on top. Smiling, he picked up the file. As he did so, he knocked the mouse, removing the screensaver from the computer. His smile disappeared when he saw what Donna had been working on.

He stared in shock at the document headed "Ciriculum Vitae" and used the mouse to scroll through the list of Donna's qualifications and previous employment.

"Josh?" He wheeled round to find Donna standing right behind him.

"What are you doing on my computer?" she asked angrily, switching off the monitor. "That's private!"

Josh ignored her question. "Why are you writing your resume?"

"I'm not. I'm just updating it."

"Well, why are you updating it? Are you going for another job?"

"No."

"Cause that's usually why people update their resumes."

"I'm just updating it, Josh - it doesn't mean anything."

"Really?" The panic was starting to leave his eyes.

"Yes."

"Well....ok..."

"Thank you."

He turned to leave, but as she sat down at her desk, he turned back around to look at her.

"Donna, but....you would tell me if you were looking for another job, right?"

She paused before answering. "Yes."

He wasn't convinced, and his eyes searched hers for reassurance. "And....you would tell me if you were unhappy about something, right?"

She looked at her hands. "Yes."

Josh nodded, but he was far from convinced.

 "Ok. Well, I'll just be in there" he said, pointing at his office.

"Okay."

 

The next day

 

"Hey."

Sam looked up from his computer to see the Deputy Chief of Staff entering his office. "What's up"

"How's it coming?"

"Good." Sam replied. "Should be done by tonight, as long as Toby isn't, you know, himself."

"Yeah. Sam..."

"I mean, how many drafts does he want from me? The first one was fine!"

"Yeah. Sam...."

"Drafts don't grow on trees, Josh."

"They don't. Sam, listen to me for a second, would you?"

Sam took his glasses off. "Sure."

Josh sat down in a chair opposite Sam. "Donna was writing her resume."

Sam raised his eyebrows. "How do you know that?"

"I saw it on her computer. She said it didn't mean anything, but.."

"You think she wants to leave?"

"I don't know. And now, today, she took the morning for an 'appointment' " - he drew quotation marks around the word.

"So what - you think she's at an interview?"

"I don't know. I hope not!"

"Yeah."

"I need her here! I need her!"

"It's doin' no good telling me that, Josh. Does she know how appreciated she is?"

"Of course!"

"If you say so."

"Of course she does!"

"Have you actually told her that?"

"Yes!"

"Really. When was the last time you told her?"

"Well, I don't know!"

"I thought so!"

"She knows, Sam."

"Whatever."

"Anyway" Josh said, trying to change the subject. "You'll have the last draft by tonight?"

"I'll do my best."

"Good."

"Josh?" said a voice.

Josh turned around to see his assistant standing in the doorway. "Hey."

"I'm back."

"Okay. How'd the appointment go?"

"Fine. I'll be at my desk."

"Sure."

She walked to her desk, quickening her pace when she heard her phone start to ring.

"Josh Lyman's office." Her face brightened as she recognised the voice of her roommate. "Hey Claudie."

"So? How'd it go?"

Donna lowered her voice and looked around to make sure no-one was within hearing distance. "Good. He said the job's mine if I want it."

"Great! And - do you want it?"

Donna exhaled slowly. "I haven't decided yet."

"Well, while you're deciding, come have lunch with me."

"Claudie, I can't. I took the whole morning off for the interview, I can't run out on him at lunch too."

"Oh come on! You deserve it, after all those crazy hours he makes you work."

"I shouldn't."

"You should! Absence makes the heart grow fonder...Josh will realise he loves you, he'll tell you, you won't go to England and I won't have to find a new roommate!"

"Ah, so this is what this is all about. I wondered."

"Don't be stupid. You know I'd miss you like crazy if you left. Which is why you should come have lunch with me now."

Donna relented. "Fine. You wore me down. Let me just check and get back to you."

"Great. See ya."

"Bye."

Donna hung up and made her way to Josh's office. "Hey."

"Josh, I was wondering...Claudie just invited me for lunch."

"No way."

"Josh..."

"No way! You just had the entire morning!"

"I'm entitled, Josh. I worked way too many hours this month and you know it! I'm going."

"Donna!"

"I'm going."

It was then Josh realised he was desperate: before she'd been asking for his permission, now was telling him and it was he who was going to have to beg.

"Donna, you can't."

"I can, and I am."

"I need you here."

"Tough."

"I have meetings this afternoon, you have to help me prepare!"

"Nope."

"Donna, please!"

"Nope."

"I'll bring you coffee!"

"Nope."

"Donna, come on! I'm weak and helpless here!"

"Awww....no."

He decided to use the trump card. "Hey! I was shot!"

Suddenly, Donna turned pale and her hands dropped to her sides. She winced as the memories of that horrific night came flooding back to her. "What did you say?"

"What? A guy can't use his near death experience to his advantage any more?" He tried to sound light hearted, but he was disturbed to see Donna's hands trembling.

"Are you seriously using the fact that you almost died to get me to stay over some stupid lunch hour?"

"Donna.." he began, shocked at how much he had upset her.

"Well, I'm glad you can find something good in it, because I certainly can't!"she snapped.

"Donna, I'm sorry, I didn't think..."

"You almost died, do you know how close you.." she put a hand to her mouth, annoyed to find a sob threatening to overcome her. "....do you know what we went through?"

"Donna, I'm so sorry, I didn't realise...." he said sincerely, walking over to her.

"I can't do this anymore" mumbled Donna, too low for Josh to hear.

"What?"

Donna pulled herself together and forced herself to look him in the eyes. "I said, I'm going to lunch."

With that, she turned on her heel and left, revealing Sam in the open doorway. He stared sternly at Josh.

"You're going to lose her if you're not careful."

"No, I'm not." said Josh, dragging is hand over his face.

"What if she leaves?"

"I'll never let her leave."

 

That night, in the west wing

 

"It looks like a great opportunity."

"It is."

"England, though."

"Yeah."

"But you're going through with it?"

"Yes. Uh, I have my resignation here."

"Donna, why aren't you giving this to Josh? He hired you."

"I can't give it to you?"

"You can, but I'm surprised you would. Wait a minute..does he know?"

"Leo..."

"Donna. You should talk to him."

"He won't let me leave, Leo."

"You don't know that for sure."

"I do."

"How?"

"Because I heard him tell Sam."

"Look, take this back for mow. Talk to him first."

"Keep it. My minds made up."

"You'll be missed."

"Thanks."

"I don't know what to say. You'll, uh, work out your notice?"

"Of course. Thanks for everything, Leo."

"Thank me by talking to him?"

"Leo...."

"Please."

"Okay."

 

2 Weeks later

 

Josh sighed for the eighth time that night. He pushed away the report he was reading - the words didn't make sense and the lines were running together. He squinted at the page again to make sure it was in English. It was. He looked at his watch. Midnight. No wonder he couldn't read anymore - he'd been sitting there since 5:30pm. Normally, Donna would have been in pestering him till he went home by now. But not anymore. Over the last fortnight, her bad mood had gotten worse - it was like she couldn't stand to be near him. Was it his stupid comment about getting shot? He didn't think so - her mood had started way before that. It probably didn't help though - and he owed her an apology. Instead of showing her how much she meant to him, he'd ended up looking like an insensitive jerk. 

"Ohhh....well done, Lyman" he muttered.

There was a knock at the door.

That was another thing. She knocked now. She never knocked before. She just came barging in. He complained about it at the time, but he would give anything for her to burst in right now, instead of this cautious, formal shit.

"Yeah" he called.

She offered him a small smile in greeting. "How're you doin'?"

"Nearly finished."

"Okay." She shut the door behind her. "Josh, do you have a minute?"

"Sure."

"I have to speak to you - I should have said this sooner, but -"

"Donna"

"What?"

"If this is about what I said the other week, I.."

She shook her head, puzzled.

"About getting shot."

"No..."

"I mean, it was insensitive of me, I'm sorry.."

"Josh - it's all right. I mean, it's not, but...it doesn't matter. It's not about that."

"What is it then?" he asked, desperately hoping it didn't have anything to do with "appointments" or resumes. 

"I got a job offer."

Josh closed his eyes against his worst fears.

"I'm taking it. I'm leaving, Josh."

"Why?" he breathed.

"It's great money. It's good hours - a great job. In England."

"ENGLAND!!" he shouted.

"Josh...."

"You can't go to England - I need you here!"

"You'll get another assistant Josh."

"I don't want another assistant, Donna. You can't do this to me!"

"This isn't about you! It's about me doing something for myself for once!"

"I'll give you a raise - whatever you want!"

She shook her head. "Don't insult me, Josh. It's not the money."

"You don't need this 'great job', Donna! You have a great job here! You work for the President of the United States! We're changing the country and making a difference here!"

"I'm not happy, Josh!" Donna shouted. "I'm not happy here! And I never will be!"

Josh was momentarily silenced. "Why not?" he asked quietly.

She folded her arms and stared at him. "Because I can't...I don't have what I want."

He lowered his eyes. "And you think you can find it in England?" he asked, avoiding the real question - what did she want?

"No. But I can get away from all of this."

Josh shook his head. He couldn't let her walk away. "No."

"No what?"

"I have to do what's best for this administration."

"What?"

"This administration needs you, Donna. I have to say no."

"Josh..."

"I won't accept your resignation" he stated resolutely.

She stood up. "You don't have to."

"What do you mean?"

"Leo already accepted it."

"Leo?" he asked incredulously.

"I'm gone. This was my last day."

"Your last..." Josh stood up, panicked. "You never told me?"

"Do you blame me?" She turned and opened the door, but he had slammed it shut before she could move further.

"Wait" he pleaded in a shaking voice.

"No" she said firmly, her eyes fixed on the door handle.

"Donna, wait, you don't understand,I...I need you."

She met his gaze sadly. "You don't need me, Josh. You never needed me."

"That's not true."

"You need an assistant, Josh. I could be anyone."

And she was gone.

 

 

"LEO!!!"

"Josh!" Margaret stood up. "You can't just -"

The door to Leo's office slammed behind him.

" - go in."

"Leo!"

"I'll call you back." Leo said into the phone. He stood up. "Josh, listen -"

"No you listen to me, you -"

"WATCH what you call me there -"

"Why should I? What the hell did you think you were doing?"

"I take it Donna has informed you -"

"Yeah, she informed me! She informed me about two seconds before she walked out the door, Leo! How dare you accept her resignation!"

"I had no reason to! Josh, go do that wall thing, will you?"

"I don't need to do the wall thing!"

"Do it!"

Josh walked over to the wall, and stood with his back straight up against it, breathing deeply. Leo sat back down, waiting for him to calm down.

He looked lost. "How could you let her leave, Leo?"

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked calmly.

"I need her!"

"Why?"

"Leo -"

"I'm trying to get you to admit to what you already know, Josh! Listen to me, I've been around the block enough times to know true love when it smacks you in the face. You've always known it - if it took her resignation to make you realise it, then so be it!"

Josh's lips formed soundless words, struggling with the enormity of what had taken him so long to come to terms with. He rested his head against the wall and shut his eyes.

"I...I...love her." he stammered.

"About time" remarked Leo.

He eyes snapped open. "But Leo, she's left! She's going to England tomorrow!"

"That gives you till tomorrow then." Leo took an envelope out of his drawer and gave it to the man he had come to regard as a surrogate son. 

"What's this."

"Her resignation. I never opened it. Josh, I owe it to your father to make sure you do the right thing. So for God's sake do it, would you?"

Josh left Leo's office quicker than he had come in.

 

Donna sniffed as she watched Jimmy Stewart divide his honeymoon money between the people of Bedford Falls. A voice came from behind her.

" 'It's a Wonderful Life'?"

"It's a classic" she replied between sobs.

"It's June" answered Claudie. "Oh, wait a minute, is this that thing you do, when you watch a sad movie so you can pretend you weren't crying already?"

"No." Donna sobbed.

"You're not fooling me."

A persistent pounding started up at the door. Donna didn't move. Claudie looked at her. "Are you hearing that?"

"Ignore it."

Claudie went to the door and looked through the spyhole. 

"Claudie!"

"It's Josh, Donna."

"Leave it."

Claudie sighed and opened the door, pausing to take in the picture : a dishevelled Deputy Chief of Staff, with a crumpled shirt and no tie, wild hair and sad eyes.

"Hi, Claudie."

Claudie groaned. "Just - sort yourselves out, would you?" She left.

Donna shut off the TV and stood up to face him, resolving to get rid of him as quickly as possible.

"You shouldn't be here."

"Why? Scared I'll talk you into staying?"

"I already left" she said wearily.

"Donna, you were wrong before."

"When."

"When you said I just need an assistant. I don't. I just need you."

"Josh -"

"No, Donna. I'm sorry, but just let me say this, please?"

"Okay" she answered cautiously.

"I can't stand the thought of you being on the other side of the world. I'd feel like part of me had left too.I, ...Donna, I'm sorry it took this to make me tell you that......I love you......is...is it too late?"

Donna angrily wiped away tears that had appeared on her face. "Yes it's too late!" She turned away to stare out of the window, wrapping her arms around her. "Why didn't you tell me before? I'm leaving. I'm going to England!"

"Don't go!" he pleaded.

"I have to. It's all sorted in England."

"Unsort it!"

"No!" She wheeled round. "You missed your chance, Josh! I'm starting a new life \- you're too late!"

"Donna..." he whispered, feeling a wave of anger overtake him.

"Just go" she whispered, blinking back tears.

He shook his head in disbelief, astonished, but not really, to find his own eyes were wet. "Please...don't walk away from this."

"I already have." She opened the door."Go."

Josh walked over but stopped as he was going through the door. They stared at each other. "I love you." he repeated.

Donna broke their gaze as tears rolled from her eyes. "Go" she sobbed desperately.

With one more look at her from his sad brown eyes, he left.

She collapsed onto the door the second it shut, dissolving into loud sobs. Trembling, she slid down the door and fell to the ground, a crumpled, shaking heap.

 

The next morning

 

Leo McGarry walked through the communications bullpen and noticed with alarm that Donna's desk was empty. He went quickly to Josh's office and looked in.

Inside, he saw his deputy slumped over his desk, wearing the same clothes he had worn the previous day.

"Josh?"

He looked up.

"She's not here?" asked Leo, fearing the worst.

Josh shook his head sadly. "She said it was too late."

"She's gone?" he asked in disbelief. He never really believed it would get this far.

"She's on the plane right now" Josh said quietly

Leo opened his mouth, but there was nothing to say. Words seemed irrelevant. Instead, he shook his head sadly and walked away.

Josh buried his head in his hands. He couldn't believe he had lost her. He had let her slip away : if only he had swallowed his stupid pride earlier and admitted his feelings, she would still be here. Instead, in a few short hours, there would be an ocean between them. And he would never see her again.

He opened his eyes and the room span. His thoughts and emotions seemed to close in on him. He moaned softly and stood up. He needed fresh air.

Approaching the door, he looked up.

He drew in his breath sharply as his eyes met the figure in the doorway.

His eyes formed a question. "Donna....?"

She smiled reassuringly. She was back.

They stood staring at each other or a few seconds, before she ran into his arms.

"You didn't go."

"I couldn't" she said into his chest. "I love you."

"I love you too, Donnatella."

She blinked back happy tears. He kissed the top of her head, and moved back to cup her face in his hands. "Donna, don't ever leave me again, okay?"

"I promise."

He leaned back and picked up an envelope from his desk.

"What's that?" she asked.

"Your resignation." He handed it to her.

She took it, smiling, and looked him straight in the eye as she ripped it into pieces.

He grinned widely, his dimples on full display, as he pulled her close to kiss her. She returned the gesture eagerly, and as her arms snaked around his neck, she dropped the torn-up letter into the trash. Where it belonged.

 

DA DAAAA! Tell me what you think...


End file.
